Ten years ago my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. For Christmas that year, my dad bought my mom a beautiful diamond anniversary ring. It was an eye-popper and dad was all but bursting with pride to surprise her with it on Christmas day.
She never saw it.
Only three weeks before Christmas, a biopsy revealed a malignancy. My active, healthy mother had no prior serious illness, but stomach pains on Thanksgiving Day were severe enough to take her to the hospital where doctors discovered an abnormality in her stomach and ordered the biopsy.
This news hit our family hard, but Mom was a fighter and she determined to put up a good one. The recommendation was surgery followed by chemotherapy. Surgery was scheduled exactly a week before Christmas.
The boys and I already had our plane tickets to spend Christmas with Mom and Dad in Orlando. We were to leave on Friday, December 22. Monday, the day of surgery arrived and with it the revelation that there was little doctors could do except offer a rigorous course of chemotherapy. We were completely blind-sided by this news but supportive, positive and full of hope.
We changed our plane tickets and arrived in Florida on Wednesday. We held onto hope and the belief that Mom would be strong enough to come home for Christmas. After all, there were gifts to unwrap and a new brilliantly lit tree she had helped decorate; her beloved boxer Sadie was patiently waiting for her to return; and my Mom’s sister, Roberta, was scheduled to arrive from California the day after Christmas. No thought existed that she would never see these things again.
We spent nearly all waking hours at the hospital. When it became clear that she was too weak to leave the hospital, we rallied to be there around the clock from Christmas Eve morning through all of Christmas day, taking turns throughout the night. All the gifts would be brought to the hospital Christmas morning and opened there, including the ring.
The hospital called at one o’clock Christmas morning for my brother and I to come and join our father in saying goodbye to our mother.
This was a Christmas full of hills and valleys. Time existed in minute increments of moving from one moment to the next, one thought to the next, but as a family together, we endured. Life, as we knew it, had changed forever, adding a memory to Christmas that for ten years now has invited remembrance, reflection and in some ways, renewal.
Ten years ago, on Christmas day, my children woke up to one of the saddest days of their lives. Twice, I’ve had to deliver hard news to them—when their father left and when their grandmother died. No parent ever wants to break their childrens’ hearts, but certain things we just can’t control. Helping them learn to accommodate the things in their lives that we can’t fix just gives them a few more feathers to steady their wings when they prepare to take flight.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Video Project: Part Two
Corey was back home the weekend after Thanksgiving to film the reassigned project for his video class. The professor decided to pair students together to create a video portrait of each other. Actual footage of the person could not be used and the video had to be no longer than a minute. Corey called me from school prior to coming home and said “I need an ax and a Bible—and a piece of wood that I can chop on.” I’m thinking, “This doesn’t sound good.” He said he would explain when he got home.
When I look back on my college years, I think of them as being pretty non-descript. University of Maryland was affordable and only five miles from our house so my choice of a college was pretty narrow. I also had to pay for my college education. I didn’t have enough money to live on campus and because we lived so close, it really didn’t make sense. So, I was a commuter student.
In order to pay for college and my car, I worked part-time in the evenings and on weekends. At the time, I did what I had to do, but I think I missed a lot by not living on campus. School was almost like having another job. Show up daily, work, then leave. As far as being busy academically, my life wasn’t too different from most college kids. But it is hard to become part of the social community when you are not fully immersed. Living at home did have some perks. Besides saving money, I had delicious home-cooked meals every day and my laundry seemed to get magically washed and dried. But I think being “on my own” during those years would have been a real confidence booster and better preparation for the real world.
I’m glad my kids had the opportunity to live on campus. But then, they both attended colleges that were far enough away where they had to. And even though they both have had to pay their way, it’s been manageable with savings, scholarships, loans, and a little help from the family. I think living away from home while at school has helped them become independent, self-reliant young adults.
But that doesn’t mean that they don’t come back for help now and again. And now my independent, self-reliant young man needed a Bible and an ax—and some assistance. (Warning: an actual Bible does get harmed during the filming of this project.) The idea behind the portrait he wanted to create of his partner was that this young woman, upon entering college, had challenged her adherence to a system of beliefs instilled by her parents, namely her Catholic upbringing, replacing it with a new way to identify herself represented by candy, cereal and cartoons. In short, rigid, conformist values (parents, home, religious upbringing) had been replaced by newfound freedom and self-indulgence (college, independence, discovery), which is not an unusual path for most college students.
Corey laid out his plan for this project to Henry and me. We listened to the message he wanted to convey and his ideas for making it happen. Props and feasibility were considered and we went from ax to table saw. The table saw would be staged like an altar, with the saw blade emerging from beneath the table, rendering complete destruction of the Book. This scene was the most difficult of the project and required the most preparation and a number of practice shots. The shot required three takes because the table saw jammed. But the final result worked--perfectly.
Destroying a Bible certainly has the potential to create controversy. I was not without raising an eyebrow when Corey described this project to me. But as an artist making a statement about his subject, anything is valid. In art, validity is often questioned, but if the result provokes thought, emotion and even better, a conversation, then I believe the piece is authentic.
Corey went on to stage and film the other two shots, edited it all together, scored and recorded the audio and by Sunday evening, a finished video, ready for the Tuesday deadline.
I called Corey Tuesday night to see how the critique went. His partner, the subject of the video portrait, loved it. The class debated its merits for forty minutes—far more time that is usually allowed, with the general consensus positive. Finally, the professor, previously known as Jackass, called it a success.
I like the fact that both my kids have sought my opinion and advice on various projects throughout college, (not that I could lend much expertise on most of Calvin’s subjects). Collaborating with Corey is more in my realm—although sometimes I can get a little too carried away playing art director. Henry jumped into this project full throttle. As he said, guys tearing up stuff—it just doesn’t get any better.
Henry and I can describe having four kids go through college all at about the same time in four words—“never a dull moment”. When the phone rings, we find ourselves going from “talking someone down off a ledge” to “sharing in the joy of success”. College life for the mom today is anything but “non-descript”. I am no longer the star, but I sure am glad that I have a supporting role.
When I look back on my college years, I think of them as being pretty non-descript. University of Maryland was affordable and only five miles from our house so my choice of a college was pretty narrow. I also had to pay for my college education. I didn’t have enough money to live on campus and because we lived so close, it really didn’t make sense. So, I was a commuter student.
In order to pay for college and my car, I worked part-time in the evenings and on weekends. At the time, I did what I had to do, but I think I missed a lot by not living on campus. School was almost like having another job. Show up daily, work, then leave. As far as being busy academically, my life wasn’t too different from most college kids. But it is hard to become part of the social community when you are not fully immersed. Living at home did have some perks. Besides saving money, I had delicious home-cooked meals every day and my laundry seemed to get magically washed and dried. But I think being “on my own” during those years would have been a real confidence booster and better preparation for the real world.
I’m glad my kids had the opportunity to live on campus. But then, they both attended colleges that were far enough away where they had to. And even though they both have had to pay their way, it’s been manageable with savings, scholarships, loans, and a little help from the family. I think living away from home while at school has helped them become independent, self-reliant young adults.
But that doesn’t mean that they don’t come back for help now and again. And now my independent, self-reliant young man needed a Bible and an ax—and some assistance. (Warning: an actual Bible does get harmed during the filming of this project.) The idea behind the portrait he wanted to create of his partner was that this young woman, upon entering college, had challenged her adherence to a system of beliefs instilled by her parents, namely her Catholic upbringing, replacing it with a new way to identify herself represented by candy, cereal and cartoons. In short, rigid, conformist values (parents, home, religious upbringing) had been replaced by newfound freedom and self-indulgence (college, independence, discovery), which is not an unusual path for most college students.
Corey laid out his plan for this project to Henry and me. We listened to the message he wanted to convey and his ideas for making it happen. Props and feasibility were considered and we went from ax to table saw. The table saw would be staged like an altar, with the saw blade emerging from beneath the table, rendering complete destruction of the Book. This scene was the most difficult of the project and required the most preparation and a number of practice shots. The shot required three takes because the table saw jammed. But the final result worked--perfectly.
Destroying a Bible certainly has the potential to create controversy. I was not without raising an eyebrow when Corey described this project to me. But as an artist making a statement about his subject, anything is valid. In art, validity is often questioned, but if the result provokes thought, emotion and even better, a conversation, then I believe the piece is authentic.
Corey went on to stage and film the other two shots, edited it all together, scored and recorded the audio and by Sunday evening, a finished video, ready for the Tuesday deadline.
I called Corey Tuesday night to see how the critique went. His partner, the subject of the video portrait, loved it. The class debated its merits for forty minutes—far more time that is usually allowed, with the general consensus positive. Finally, the professor, previously known as Jackass, called it a success.
I like the fact that both my kids have sought my opinion and advice on various projects throughout college, (not that I could lend much expertise on most of Calvin’s subjects). Collaborating with Corey is more in my realm—although sometimes I can get a little too carried away playing art director. Henry jumped into this project full throttle. As he said, guys tearing up stuff—it just doesn’t get any better.
Henry and I can describe having four kids go through college all at about the same time in four words—“never a dull moment”. When the phone rings, we find ourselves going from “talking someone down off a ledge” to “sharing in the joy of success”. College life for the mom today is anything but “non-descript”. I am no longer the star, but I sure am glad that I have a supporting role.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Perfect Thanksgiving: Turkey, a Haircut, Rube Goldberg and a Jackass
When I was a child, my grandmother owned Thanksgiving and it was delightfully predictable every year. Turkey with all the trimmings. Football on TV. Kids ate in the kitchen until we eventually graduated to the dining room. And there was the traditional penny ante poker game after dinner. All I had to do was show up.
My grandmother passed and my mother took over for a couple years before my parents moved to Florida. By now, she was a grandmother and dished up the comfort of tradition just like her mother-in-law. All I had to do was show up, with the kids of course.
Then Thanksgiving changed. My parents moved. My ex left. It was too expensive to travel to Florida for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we reserved the traveling for Christmas. The kids and I were alone for a number of years and it was a time for new traditions. Of course, the turkey with all the trimmings was a must, even though it was just the three of us. We would watch the parade on TV, take a walk and play Monopoly. And at dinner, each of us would take a turn to say what we were most thankful for.
When Henry entered my life in 2002, Thanksgiving began to evolve a bit. The turkey dinner has stayed the same, but the guests over the years have included Kimberly and Angela, Henry’s mom Agnes and my family. Last year, for the first time, we traveled to North Carolina for Thanksgiving.
This year, Agnes came for a visit and Henry’s girls were on the scene Wednesday for a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Corey was home from college as well so we had four at the Thanksgiving table this year. Calvin and Vicki were on their own in Seattle, both having their first Thanksgiving away from home.
While home from school on Thanksgiving break, Corey had a final video project to work on. The assignment was to create a video self-portrait. His idea was to film me giving him a haircut while the camera rotated in a circle around us offering a 360-degree perspective. Special effects and audio would complete the story he wished to tell. This project had two particularly challenging elements: it had to be a one-take shot and we had to build some kind of track or device that would allow the camera to circle slowly and steadily around us.
This is where the super hero engineering geniuses in the family dashed onto the scene to create one of the most jerry-rigged Rube Goldberg contraptions ever invented to hold a camera and rotate it in a circle. Translation: Corey, Henry and I converted a rotating Christmas tree stand, 1x2 wood board, bread basket, three Progresso soup cans, two 3-lb. dumbbells, a tripod bracket, wire, plastic cable ties and one video camera into a device that attached to the basement ceiling. With the camera mounted on one end of the board that was attached to the tree stand, a simple flip of the switch turned on the motor allowing the camera to slowly revolve in a circle around center stage, barber mom giving son a haircut. The result had the sophistication of Hollywood. A smooth, clear, perfect shot. One take. Done.
On to audio. Corey recorded me reflecting on past incidents in his life. His plan was to take snippets of these reflections, with some of his own, plus sound effects and music to create the finished portrait.
A work in progress review was scheduled for Tuesday. Enter Professor Jackass. After reviewing only four videos, he determined that no one had “grasped” the assignment and even though he did have positive comments about the work presented, he totally scrapped the project and assigned a new final project with less than a week to complete.
A self-portrait is one of the most personal undertakings of an artist. No matter what medium is used, a subjective portrayal of one’s self should be expressed without judgment. Skill, craftsmanship and creativity can all be evaluated. If a student did not complete the assignment or obviously did not take it seriously, then the professor can rightfully reason that the student has failed. This time, I think the professor failed.
I’ve often taught my kids that process is often more important than product. That’s where all the learning takes place. I guess we can chalk this project up to a great learning experience, especially if we are ever in a room with nothing to do and find a rotating Christmas tree stand, a video camera, a board, some wire, a bread basket, a tripod bracket, soup cans and dumbbells…just no jackasses please.
My grandmother passed and my mother took over for a couple years before my parents moved to Florida. By now, she was a grandmother and dished up the comfort of tradition just like her mother-in-law. All I had to do was show up, with the kids of course.
Then Thanksgiving changed. My parents moved. My ex left. It was too expensive to travel to Florida for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we reserved the traveling for Christmas. The kids and I were alone for a number of years and it was a time for new traditions. Of course, the turkey with all the trimmings was a must, even though it was just the three of us. We would watch the parade on TV, take a walk and play Monopoly. And at dinner, each of us would take a turn to say what we were most thankful for.
When Henry entered my life in 2002, Thanksgiving began to evolve a bit. The turkey dinner has stayed the same, but the guests over the years have included Kimberly and Angela, Henry’s mom Agnes and my family. Last year, for the first time, we traveled to North Carolina for Thanksgiving.
This year, Agnes came for a visit and Henry’s girls were on the scene Wednesday for a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Corey was home from college as well so we had four at the Thanksgiving table this year. Calvin and Vicki were on their own in Seattle, both having their first Thanksgiving away from home.
While home from school on Thanksgiving break, Corey had a final video project to work on. The assignment was to create a video self-portrait. His idea was to film me giving him a haircut while the camera rotated in a circle around us offering a 360-degree perspective. Special effects and audio would complete the story he wished to tell. This project had two particularly challenging elements: it had to be a one-take shot and we had to build some kind of track or device that would allow the camera to circle slowly and steadily around us.
This is where the super hero engineering geniuses in the family dashed onto the scene to create one of the most jerry-rigged Rube Goldberg contraptions ever invented to hold a camera and rotate it in a circle. Translation: Corey, Henry and I converted a rotating Christmas tree stand, 1x2 wood board, bread basket, three Progresso soup cans, two 3-lb. dumbbells, a tripod bracket, wire, plastic cable ties and one video camera into a device that attached to the basement ceiling. With the camera mounted on one end of the board that was attached to the tree stand, a simple flip of the switch turned on the motor allowing the camera to slowly revolve in a circle around center stage, barber mom giving son a haircut. The result had the sophistication of Hollywood. A smooth, clear, perfect shot. One take. Done.
On to audio. Corey recorded me reflecting on past incidents in his life. His plan was to take snippets of these reflections, with some of his own, plus sound effects and music to create the finished portrait.
A work in progress review was scheduled for Tuesday. Enter Professor Jackass. After reviewing only four videos, he determined that no one had “grasped” the assignment and even though he did have positive comments about the work presented, he totally scrapped the project and assigned a new final project with less than a week to complete.
A self-portrait is one of the most personal undertakings of an artist. No matter what medium is used, a subjective portrayal of one’s self should be expressed without judgment. Skill, craftsmanship and creativity can all be evaluated. If a student did not complete the assignment or obviously did not take it seriously, then the professor can rightfully reason that the student has failed. This time, I think the professor failed.
I’ve often taught my kids that process is often more important than product. That’s where all the learning takes place. I guess we can chalk this project up to a great learning experience, especially if we are ever in a room with nothing to do and find a rotating Christmas tree stand, a video camera, a board, some wire, a bread basket, a tripod bracket, soup cans and dumbbells…just no jackasses please.
Monday, November 15, 2010
When I Grow Up
College is such a lovely cloistered world compared to the reality that comes after graduation. Childhood interests develop into pathways that lead to our choice of a college major. Sometimes the choice is job-worthy and sometimes not so much. But the four years it takes to obtain most undergraduate degrees is also four years that most students use to figure out how to live on their own and slowly start managing their own lives. Perhaps that is the greater lesson.
At five years old, all little kids know what they want to be when they grow up. At that age I was constantly weighing the choices of becoming a nurse or a ballerina. But I also loved to do art, so it became my major in college and in a somewhat random way led me to advertising and marketing which pays the bills. I had plenty of opportunities to be a nurse while raising two boys and as a twenty-seven year veteran of Jazzercise, I’ve kept keep the dancer in me happy.
Henry wanted to travel and see the world. He was a prime candidate for a career in the Navy. He went to the Uncollege (his term for the Naval Academy) and then embarked on a twenty-year career of seeing all seven continents, and a good bit of the four oceans as well.
Through childhood (and still today), Calvin loved games. He loved to play them, create them, make them and once he got into computers, he loved video games. He wanted to be a game developer, and then software programmer. No surprise he’s working for Microsoft now.
As a child, Corey loved animals, especially dogs, and sometimes he said he wanted to be a dog trainer, but I think Corey just mostly wanted to be Corey—expressive, determined, creative and strong-willed. He is the child my mother wished on me. I can see a lot of myself in him. As a kinetic imaging major, he has a gift for capturing just the right emotion with his video imagery and sound. I’m always eager to see what’s next.
Henry’s oldest daughter, Angela, will graduate from college at the end of December. She’s had two interests throughout college: theater and language. She’s majoring in linguistics and studied abroad a semester in France, but her summer internships have all revolved around wardrobe and costuming for the theater. Now faced with her future, she’s considering the Navy as a launching pad to a career in cryptology, but already has a job lined up with the Richmond ballet. Stay tuned.
Kimberly, Henry’s youngest daughter, loves action, adventure, the outdoors and maybe Greg. She’s an outdoor recreation major and met Greg at a camp in Vermont where she worked this past summer. This young woman has no fear: she’s a rock-climbing, trapeze-swinging, bungee-jumping diva. Next year, she’s excited to be heading to South Africa, location of the “highest bungee-jump in the world” for fall semester of her senior year, We still don’t know what she’ll be studying.
It’s fun to listen to and watch our young adult children prepare for the real world. Who knows where life is really going to take them? However we start out, it’s not always where we end up. Sometimes, it’s impossible to know what you really want to do until you grow up a bit. I think the idea is to have few regrets when you look back. And while no job is perfect, I think it’s important to enjoy your job and feel like your contributions are making a difference. Now that I’m in my 50’s I think I would have been good at a lot of different things that didn't interest me at all at age eighteen, but that’s only because I’m older and know more about myself than I did in college. However, I still love art and work as an artist now in my spare time. I’ll never own toe shoes but sometimes things do come full circle.
At five years old, all little kids know what they want to be when they grow up. At that age I was constantly weighing the choices of becoming a nurse or a ballerina. But I also loved to do art, so it became my major in college and in a somewhat random way led me to advertising and marketing which pays the bills. I had plenty of opportunities to be a nurse while raising two boys and as a twenty-seven year veteran of Jazzercise, I’ve kept keep the dancer in me happy.
Henry wanted to travel and see the world. He was a prime candidate for a career in the Navy. He went to the Uncollege (his term for the Naval Academy) and then embarked on a twenty-year career of seeing all seven continents, and a good bit of the four oceans as well.
Through childhood (and still today), Calvin loved games. He loved to play them, create them, make them and once he got into computers, he loved video games. He wanted to be a game developer, and then software programmer. No surprise he’s working for Microsoft now.
As a child, Corey loved animals, especially dogs, and sometimes he said he wanted to be a dog trainer, but I think Corey just mostly wanted to be Corey—expressive, determined, creative and strong-willed. He is the child my mother wished on me. I can see a lot of myself in him. As a kinetic imaging major, he has a gift for capturing just the right emotion with his video imagery and sound. I’m always eager to see what’s next.
Henry’s oldest daughter, Angela, will graduate from college at the end of December. She’s had two interests throughout college: theater and language. She’s majoring in linguistics and studied abroad a semester in France, but her summer internships have all revolved around wardrobe and costuming for the theater. Now faced with her future, she’s considering the Navy as a launching pad to a career in cryptology, but already has a job lined up with the Richmond ballet. Stay tuned.
Kimberly, Henry’s youngest daughter, loves action, adventure, the outdoors and maybe Greg. She’s an outdoor recreation major and met Greg at a camp in Vermont where she worked this past summer. This young woman has no fear: she’s a rock-climbing, trapeze-swinging, bungee-jumping diva. Next year, she’s excited to be heading to South Africa, location of the “highest bungee-jump in the world” for fall semester of her senior year, We still don’t know what she’ll be studying.
It’s fun to listen to and watch our young adult children prepare for the real world. Who knows where life is really going to take them? However we start out, it’s not always where we end up. Sometimes, it’s impossible to know what you really want to do until you grow up a bit. I think the idea is to have few regrets when you look back. And while no job is perfect, I think it’s important to enjoy your job and feel like your contributions are making a difference. Now that I’m in my 50’s I think I would have been good at a lot of different things that didn't interest me at all at age eighteen, but that’s only because I’m older and know more about myself than I did in college. However, I still love art and work as an artist now in my spare time. I’ll never own toe shoes but sometimes things do come full circle.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
West Coast Birthday – Seattle, WA
A few days after arriving home from Richmond, I was off to Seattle. Thursday morning started at 4:00 am in order to make it to the airport for an early flight. A connection in Cincinnati brought Corey and me together for the final leg to Seattle. Both of us had very short connection times but he was scheduled to arrive from Richmond about 10 minutes before I arrived from Baltimore. I hurried to the gate of our connecting flight and was met with a sea of people who were jockeying for position as the boarding process was just starting. No Corey in sight. Time to make a call. The answer came, “My flight is just pulling into the gate.” They were 20 minutes delayed! As I boarded the plane, the airline attendant assured me he would make the connection.
I got to my seat and the gracious young man who would be sharing our row stowed my carry-on. I told him about Corey and even though we continued chatting, my eyes were riveted on the front of the plane. There must be some universal “anxious mom” look, which completely disappeared the moment Corey stepped on board. My seat mate, who had been watching me, remarked, “That’s him now, isn’t it.” The door closed. The plane backed away from the gate. Our Seattle adventure was about to begin.
Even when your kids are no longer kids, the wise mom always knows just what they need and it’s usually two things: hugs and snacks. Always make sure you have plenty of both and you’ll always be a hero to your kid. This trip was no exception. I think half a dozen granola bars disappeared before the plane got off the ground.
Calvin met us at the airport and I completely surprised myself by bursting into tears when I saw him. But to my boys, that is typical mom so I’m glad I didn’t disappoint. They didn’t disappoint either, because the first item on the agenda was food.
Our Seattle visit was a pleasant mix of relaxing, visiting, eating out and enjoying the local arts culture. Calvin and Vicki have done a great job with the apartment. I liked the way all of the furniture just seemed to fit perfectly.
Our first night out was to an Italian restaurant in Bellevue, Maggiano’s, which is a nationwide chain. The meal was Calvin’s treat for my birthday and it was very good. One surprising plus: two of the pasta dinners that were ordered came with a second free dinner to take home and enjoy! I think Vicki got her fill of eggplant parmesan! After dinner it was back home to enjoy a homemade chocolate cream cheese pound cake that Calvin had baked for my birthday. I was impressed and for some reason this cake only got better with each passing day. I was very sorry I had to leave part of it behind when it came time to go home. I think this is one for the recipe blog.
Calvin took Friday off and Vicki had a half-day so we picked her up at noon, had lunch at Microsoft and went to the Microsoft Company Store. The Commons at Microsoft is a conglomerate of shops, restaurants and cafes to please any palate. It’s the largest and most diverse cafeteria I’ve ever seen. The salad bar was my choice so I could have room for a cupcake, dinner and pound cake!
The cupcake. Trophy Cupcakes in Bellevue is worth the 2,800-mile trip alone. I chose Snickerdoodle and it was amazing. Georgetown Cupcake doesn’t come close! Calvin and Vicki fixed London Broil for dinner and I must admit, when you’re the mom, it’s always nice when someone else does the cooking.
Breakfast on Saturday was at a real Seattle landmark. Voted one of the best places in the country to "pig-out", Beth’s Café serves up 6 and 12 egg omelets. Calvin and Corey went for the 6 egg omelets, but I was happy something more traditional. On looks alone, one might consider this place a real dive, but the atmosphere is just one part of what makes this quirky restaurant a crowd-pleaser. It’s obvious most people go for the great food.
When planning this trip, I thought it might be fun to go to the theater. Now when you’re the mom of two boys, most suggestions about things to do are immediately shot down especially if they seem remotely girlie or cultural or civilized. Fortunately, Calvin likes the theater, but just before leaving for the Saturday matinee of The Full Monty at the Village Theater in Issaquah, I discovered that Vicki and Corey were less than enthused about musical theater. The tickets had been purchased so they were ready to put up a good front. The play was bawdy and funny and the actor’s were terrific in every way with the story. Corey and Vicki had to admit they really enjoyed the play and hey, Mom’s idea was actually a good one.
Sunday brought rain and wind and the Sunday Seattle Times. An article on two exhibits at the Bellevue Arts Museum caught my eye and I thought: interesting, close by, inside. Perfect outing for a wet and chilly afternoon. Corey opted to sit this one out because of projects he was working on for school. Unfortunately, he missed two great exhibits, glass artist Ginny Ruffner and Clay Throwdown!, which showcased over 30 clay artists and was one of the most fascinating collections of artworks I’ve ever seen. The viewer was drawn into the stories behind the pieces and some of projects were quite interactive. A vote for a People’s Choice award was in progress and it was very hard to choose a favorite, as there were so many deserving artists, but Vicki and I both cast a ballot for Nathan Craven, who we later discovered won the award.
Our final day in Seattle ended with dinner at Salty’s on Alki Beach for a taste of Seattle seafood. Calvin and Vicki dropped Corey and me off at the airport for the red-eye flight home. Of course, there were more tears—a necessity for a proper goodbye, at least according to this mom.
A standout moment from this trip was the acknowledgment from Calvin that he now understands why I was always chasing after the boys to keep our house picked up. Living with two boys, especially during their high school and college years, is like living in a constant cyclone of clothes, shoes, laptop computers, tech gadgets, books, backpacks and anything that can be classified loosely as “stuff” which lands where it falls as if were subjected to a 200+ mph wind. Guests can certainly add a bit of disruption to the household, but when one of them is your college-aged brother whose only option was to crash on the sofa, the living room quickly adopted a less than tidy look reminiscent of our family room during semester break. Now that Calvin has his own place to pick up and keep tidy, he said he can really appreciate the work that goes into maintaining a pleasant place to live. All I could do was smile.
I got to my seat and the gracious young man who would be sharing our row stowed my carry-on. I told him about Corey and even though we continued chatting, my eyes were riveted on the front of the plane. There must be some universal “anxious mom” look, which completely disappeared the moment Corey stepped on board. My seat mate, who had been watching me, remarked, “That’s him now, isn’t it.” The door closed. The plane backed away from the gate. Our Seattle adventure was about to begin.
Even when your kids are no longer kids, the wise mom always knows just what they need and it’s usually two things: hugs and snacks. Always make sure you have plenty of both and you’ll always be a hero to your kid. This trip was no exception. I think half a dozen granola bars disappeared before the plane got off the ground.
Calvin met us at the airport and I completely surprised myself by bursting into tears when I saw him. But to my boys, that is typical mom so I’m glad I didn’t disappoint. They didn’t disappoint either, because the first item on the agenda was food.
Our Seattle visit was a pleasant mix of relaxing, visiting, eating out and enjoying the local arts culture. Calvin and Vicki have done a great job with the apartment. I liked the way all of the furniture just seemed to fit perfectly.
Our first night out was to an Italian restaurant in Bellevue, Maggiano’s, which is a nationwide chain. The meal was Calvin’s treat for my birthday and it was very good. One surprising plus: two of the pasta dinners that were ordered came with a second free dinner to take home and enjoy! I think Vicki got her fill of eggplant parmesan! After dinner it was back home to enjoy a homemade chocolate cream cheese pound cake that Calvin had baked for my birthday. I was impressed and for some reason this cake only got better with each passing day. I was very sorry I had to leave part of it behind when it came time to go home. I think this is one for the recipe blog.
Calvin took Friday off and Vicki had a half-day so we picked her up at noon, had lunch at Microsoft and went to the Microsoft Company Store. The Commons at Microsoft is a conglomerate of shops, restaurants and cafes to please any palate. It’s the largest and most diverse cafeteria I’ve ever seen. The salad bar was my choice so I could have room for a cupcake, dinner and pound cake!
The cupcake. Trophy Cupcakes in Bellevue is worth the 2,800-mile trip alone. I chose Snickerdoodle and it was amazing. Georgetown Cupcake doesn’t come close! Calvin and Vicki fixed London Broil for dinner and I must admit, when you’re the mom, it’s always nice when someone else does the cooking.
Breakfast on Saturday was at a real Seattle landmark. Voted one of the best places in the country to "pig-out", Beth’s Café serves up 6 and 12 egg omelets. Calvin and Corey went for the 6 egg omelets, but I was happy something more traditional. On looks alone, one might consider this place a real dive, but the atmosphere is just one part of what makes this quirky restaurant a crowd-pleaser. It’s obvious most people go for the great food.
When planning this trip, I thought it might be fun to go to the theater. Now when you’re the mom of two boys, most suggestions about things to do are immediately shot down especially if they seem remotely girlie or cultural or civilized. Fortunately, Calvin likes the theater, but just before leaving for the Saturday matinee of The Full Monty at the Village Theater in Issaquah, I discovered that Vicki and Corey were less than enthused about musical theater. The tickets had been purchased so they were ready to put up a good front. The play was bawdy and funny and the actor’s were terrific in every way with the story. Corey and Vicki had to admit they really enjoyed the play and hey, Mom’s idea was actually a good one.
Sunday brought rain and wind and the Sunday Seattle Times. An article on two exhibits at the Bellevue Arts Museum caught my eye and I thought: interesting, close by, inside. Perfect outing for a wet and chilly afternoon. Corey opted to sit this one out because of projects he was working on for school. Unfortunately, he missed two great exhibits, glass artist Ginny Ruffner and Clay Throwdown!, which showcased over 30 clay artists and was one of the most fascinating collections of artworks I’ve ever seen. The viewer was drawn into the stories behind the pieces and some of projects were quite interactive. A vote for a People’s Choice award was in progress and it was very hard to choose a favorite, as there were so many deserving artists, but Vicki and I both cast a ballot for Nathan Craven, who we later discovered won the award.
Our final day in Seattle ended with dinner at Salty’s on Alki Beach for a taste of Seattle seafood. Calvin and Vicki dropped Corey and me off at the airport for the red-eye flight home. Of course, there were more tears—a necessity for a proper goodbye, at least according to this mom.
A standout moment from this trip was the acknowledgment from Calvin that he now understands why I was always chasing after the boys to keep our house picked up. Living with two boys, especially during their high school and college years, is like living in a constant cyclone of clothes, shoes, laptop computers, tech gadgets, books, backpacks and anything that can be classified loosely as “stuff” which lands where it falls as if were subjected to a 200+ mph wind. Guests can certainly add a bit of disruption to the household, but when one of them is your college-aged brother whose only option was to crash on the sofa, the living room quickly adopted a less than tidy look reminiscent of our family room during semester break. Now that Calvin has his own place to pick up and keep tidy, he said he can really appreciate the work that goes into maintaining a pleasant place to live. All I could do was smile.
Monday, October 18, 2010
East Coast Birthday - Richmond, VA
My birthday is in October and while we usually celebrate birthdays with a special dinner out, I was able to celebrate this particular birthday on both sides of the country, and of course, great food was definitely involved.
East Coast birthday took place in Richmond. My first trip to Richmond was to visit VCU with Corey. Since he is now in his junior year, I’ve been back a number of times to enjoy my son's company and see what the city has to offer. Richmond is quite an eclectic mix on the scale of economy. A short distance in the city can take you from the mansions on Monument Avenue to the shabby facades that line the streets of Jackson Ward. Upscale, trendy shopping and restaurant districts are balanced by the hard edges of boarded up buildings and crumbling storefronts. On a cultural level, Richmond provides many outlets for the history enthusiast and anyone who has an interest in the arts. VCU is the highest rated public arts university in the country and the arts community in Richmond is strong and influential. Plus, I can honestly say that every restaurant we’ve visited from cool college hangouts to fine dining has been great.
A month or so ago, my father expressed an interest in visiting Corey at school over a weekend. We set a plan in motion. Kenny and Tammy drove up from North Carolina with Dad and I drove down from Frederick on Friday, October 15, which happened to be my birthday weekend. Homewood Suites by Hilton became base camp. Dinner Friday was at Extreme Pizza on West Broad, one of Corey’s favorite pizza joints. Corey’s roommate Brian joined us. The restaurant was new to my family, but after hearing so many good comments from us, it was my brother’s pick for this particular evening. Fortunately, they loved it! The Poultry Geist is one of our favorite selections, with The Boar'der as a close second.
Saturday brought sunshine and pleasant temps so while Dad relaxed and watched football, Corey showed Kenny and Tammy his apartment and the Monroe Park campus. My family is oyster crazy, and since it's hard to find good fried oysters in North Carolina, an oyster dinner was the quest for Saturday night. With prior planning we found Water Grill, a restaurant in Carytown that ended up having terrific fried oysters. Fried green tomatoes and buffalo oysters started a meal that will remain memorable. This restaurant is definitely a keeper.
Sunday morning found us at Baker’s Crust in Short Pump for breakfast. This restaurant features homemade breads and pastries. I can highly recommend their fruit and nut bread paired with a Mediterranean omelette and hash browns. Goodbyes were said and we headed home.
It is probably obvious that my family likes to eat. We like to try new places and especially local fare. We enjoyed the weekend and my brother remarked that it was fun to see Corey in his element. This was not really a birthday celebration but a celebration of family that just happened to fall on my birthday.
Coming Next: West Coast Birthday
East Coast birthday took place in Richmond. My first trip to Richmond was to visit VCU with Corey. Since he is now in his junior year, I’ve been back a number of times to enjoy my son's company and see what the city has to offer. Richmond is quite an eclectic mix on the scale of economy. A short distance in the city can take you from the mansions on Monument Avenue to the shabby facades that line the streets of Jackson Ward. Upscale, trendy shopping and restaurant districts are balanced by the hard edges of boarded up buildings and crumbling storefronts. On a cultural level, Richmond provides many outlets for the history enthusiast and anyone who has an interest in the arts. VCU is the highest rated public arts university in the country and the arts community in Richmond is strong and influential. Plus, I can honestly say that every restaurant we’ve visited from cool college hangouts to fine dining has been great.
A month or so ago, my father expressed an interest in visiting Corey at school over a weekend. We set a plan in motion. Kenny and Tammy drove up from North Carolina with Dad and I drove down from Frederick on Friday, October 15, which happened to be my birthday weekend. Homewood Suites by Hilton became base camp. Dinner Friday was at Extreme Pizza on West Broad, one of Corey’s favorite pizza joints. Corey’s roommate Brian joined us. The restaurant was new to my family, but after hearing so many good comments from us, it was my brother’s pick for this particular evening. Fortunately, they loved it! The Poultry Geist is one of our favorite selections, with The Boar'der as a close second.
Saturday brought sunshine and pleasant temps so while Dad relaxed and watched football, Corey showed Kenny and Tammy his apartment and the Monroe Park campus. My family is oyster crazy, and since it's hard to find good fried oysters in North Carolina, an oyster dinner was the quest for Saturday night. With prior planning we found Water Grill, a restaurant in Carytown that ended up having terrific fried oysters. Fried green tomatoes and buffalo oysters started a meal that will remain memorable. This restaurant is definitely a keeper.
Sunday morning found us at Baker’s Crust in Short Pump for breakfast. This restaurant features homemade breads and pastries. I can highly recommend their fruit and nut bread paired with a Mediterranean omelette and hash browns. Goodbyes were said and we headed home.
It is probably obvious that my family likes to eat. We like to try new places and especially local fare. We enjoyed the weekend and my brother remarked that it was fun to see Corey in his element. This was not really a birthday celebration but a celebration of family that just happened to fall on my birthday.
Coming Next: West Coast Birthday
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Fall is in the Air
I often take our dog Snoopy for walks through the neighborhood. She is thirteen now and we usually limit our jaunt to a one mile loop around our neighborhood. This path takes us past the elementary school that my boys attended so many years ago.
With a little chill in the air and leaves just starting to fall, we passed the school the other evening and I couldn’t help but think of the festival the school held every fall. The Fall Festival featured a spaghetti dinner and talent show. The dinner was a pretty standard version of every kid’s favorite pasta dish, complete with two big meatballs, salad and bread, all for two bucks a plate. And the talent show was a pretty standard version of elementary school-aged kids showing off their assorted musical or comic abilities, that is, until Leah Claiborne walked on stage and positioned herself behind the grand piano.
Once Leah’s fingers touched the keyboard, teachers, parents and kids would hush while Leah fed us her musical genius on a plate of Chopin or Beethoven or whatever classical masterpiece she had chosen to dish up. The word prodigy says it all. Leah was Corey’s age, so I considered it a delightful stoke of luck to continue to have opportunities to hear her play all the way through high school, especially once Corey started to focus on piano as part of his curriculum.
During the elementary school years, fall was also the season of anticipation. As the leaves changed color and the days grew shorter, thoughts would turn to the holidays. During this time of our lives, Calvin, Corey and I were on our own for Thanksgiving, which I will save for another chapter. Christmas was always spent with my parents; either we would travel to Florida or they would travel to Maryland. But the most excitement was generated by creation of “The List”. Serious thoughts about what would go on the list started in the fall. The list would be written, edited, and rewritten many times before finally being handed to the Mom as complete, but Oh wait! Just one more thing!
I never indulged my kids with many “things” during the year. But Christmas was a big deal. Of course, as they got older, the requests grew more sophisticated and so did the lists. I would receive, usually by email, a spreadsheet of ideas complete with links. It sure made Christmas shopping easier!
Now, as young adults who have spent time away from home and family, I think they realize that being with those you love carries more weight than anything you can put on a list, even though gifts are still fun to give and receive.
So with crisp evenings and mornings cool enough for gloves, fall is definitely in the air. I’m not sure if the elementary school has continued the tradition of the Fall Festival and spaghetti dinner. I have to believe that Leah Claiborne is still mesmerizing audiences somewhere. I haven’t heard anyone mention a list. But, even though it is only the beginning of fall, Calvin and Vicki have made their travel plans and will be home for Christmas.
I can hardly wait!
With a little chill in the air and leaves just starting to fall, we passed the school the other evening and I couldn’t help but think of the festival the school held every fall. The Fall Festival featured a spaghetti dinner and talent show. The dinner was a pretty standard version of every kid’s favorite pasta dish, complete with two big meatballs, salad and bread, all for two bucks a plate. And the talent show was a pretty standard version of elementary school-aged kids showing off their assorted musical or comic abilities, that is, until Leah Claiborne walked on stage and positioned herself behind the grand piano.
Once Leah’s fingers touched the keyboard, teachers, parents and kids would hush while Leah fed us her musical genius on a plate of Chopin or Beethoven or whatever classical masterpiece she had chosen to dish up. The word prodigy says it all. Leah was Corey’s age, so I considered it a delightful stoke of luck to continue to have opportunities to hear her play all the way through high school, especially once Corey started to focus on piano as part of his curriculum.
During the elementary school years, fall was also the season of anticipation. As the leaves changed color and the days grew shorter, thoughts would turn to the holidays. During this time of our lives, Calvin, Corey and I were on our own for Thanksgiving, which I will save for another chapter. Christmas was always spent with my parents; either we would travel to Florida or they would travel to Maryland. But the most excitement was generated by creation of “The List”. Serious thoughts about what would go on the list started in the fall. The list would be written, edited, and rewritten many times before finally being handed to the Mom as complete, but Oh wait! Just one more thing!
I never indulged my kids with many “things” during the year. But Christmas was a big deal. Of course, as they got older, the requests grew more sophisticated and so did the lists. I would receive, usually by email, a spreadsheet of ideas complete with links. It sure made Christmas shopping easier!
Now, as young adults who have spent time away from home and family, I think they realize that being with those you love carries more weight than anything you can put on a list, even though gifts are still fun to give and receive.
So with crisp evenings and mornings cool enough for gloves, fall is definitely in the air. I’m not sure if the elementary school has continued the tradition of the Fall Festival and spaghetti dinner. I have to believe that Leah Claiborne is still mesmerizing audiences somewhere. I haven’t heard anyone mention a list. But, even though it is only the beginning of fall, Calvin and Vicki have made their travel plans and will be home for Christmas.
I can hardly wait!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Was That Real?
There’s nothing better than a really good time. Whether it’s with your family, friends, or sweetheart, a truly great day lives well beyond 24 hours. My kids and I built our own special history of having fun. When they were little, we did simple things like the local zoo, hiking in Catoctin Mountain Park, dinner out (usually McDonald’s or Burger King) and the movies. As they got older, we still enjoyed the movies and going out to eat (Red Hot & Blue, Miyako, Outback Steakhouse), but the best times were vacations in Florida and theme park days. When your family lives in central Florida, especially during your kids’ formative years, a theme park rivaled Wonder® Bread, which claimed only to build a strong body. A theme park is nourishment for the body, mind and soul!
Lessons in patience, endurance and delayed gratification are delivered with fun, entertainment and ice cream. Kids are most accommodating when they are NOT hungry or thirsty, so one of my first theme park rules was to be an accommodating parent. After all, you’re taking them to Fantasy Land. The day is supposed to be about over-indulgence. The moment anyone said “I’m hungry” or “I’m thirsty”, it would be a quick stop to get lemonade or water or French fries or ice cream. Of course, we’d always take a break for lunch as well. Whether it was Disney or Universal, my kids learned early that going to a theme park means be prepared to stand in line. Fortunately, all of us really like rides and coasters, so the reward for patience was usually pretty colossal.
I think another good rule is to never take your kids to a theme park before they are old enough to walk on their own. An exception might be Sea World. I remember taking Calvin there when he was not quite two. Navigating with a stroller at Sea World was easy and Shamu and his sidekicks really captured the attention of my toddler.
Over the years, we visited most of the parks in central Florida, some more exciting than others. I think our collective favorites are the Universal parks, and I still remember with great clarity Calvin’s first trip to Universal Studios. He was five and we were visiting my brother Kenny and his wife Tammy during Easter vacation. The park was extremely crowded so there were long lines. We only rode two rides before lunch and two after—the wait times were so long. We rode King Kong just before lunch. Calvin was taking it all in during our exciting venture into New York City and subsequent ride on the el, when suddenly we were attacked by this giant ape! Fires raged, newscasters panicked, New York City crumbled around us. King Kong was on a rampage, but miraculously we survived! The ride was very well done.
Sitting at lunch, quietly munching on French fries, Calvin had a far off look in his eyes. You could almost see those wheels turning in his head. He looked at me and asked, “Was that real?” “What do you think?” I asked. My five-year-old son had enough reasoning power to know that gargantuan apes didn’t exist, but there was something there that eliminated the certainty. “I’m not sure, but I don’t think so”, he said. Before going to the park, I had explained to Calvin that we were going to a fun place all about movie making, so we talked about the mechanics of King Kong and the fact that he wasn’t real.
Several years later, when Corey was old enough for his first trip to Universal Studios, we rode Jaws. The attacking shark, hysterical boat captain, guns, fires and explosions were all too real for Corey. By the time we finished the ride there was very little we could do to convince Corey that the shark was a fake. He was screaming. We can only laugh about it today!
A recent family trip to Busch Gardens Williamsburg was so much fun; it reminded me and Corey of our theme park days in Florida. It was a beautiful sunny day. Kenny and Tammy were there too. We rode plenty of wild and crazy rides and ate French fries and ice cream. There were no giant apes or hungry sharks but there was plenty of Wonder® Bread for the mind, body and soul.
Lessons in patience, endurance and delayed gratification are delivered with fun, entertainment and ice cream. Kids are most accommodating when they are NOT hungry or thirsty, so one of my first theme park rules was to be an accommodating parent. After all, you’re taking them to Fantasy Land. The day is supposed to be about over-indulgence. The moment anyone said “I’m hungry” or “I’m thirsty”, it would be a quick stop to get lemonade or water or French fries or ice cream. Of course, we’d always take a break for lunch as well. Whether it was Disney or Universal, my kids learned early that going to a theme park means be prepared to stand in line. Fortunately, all of us really like rides and coasters, so the reward for patience was usually pretty colossal.
I think another good rule is to never take your kids to a theme park before they are old enough to walk on their own. An exception might be Sea World. I remember taking Calvin there when he was not quite two. Navigating with a stroller at Sea World was easy and Shamu and his sidekicks really captured the attention of my toddler.
Over the years, we visited most of the parks in central Florida, some more exciting than others. I think our collective favorites are the Universal parks, and I still remember with great clarity Calvin’s first trip to Universal Studios. He was five and we were visiting my brother Kenny and his wife Tammy during Easter vacation. The park was extremely crowded so there were long lines. We only rode two rides before lunch and two after—the wait times were so long. We rode King Kong just before lunch. Calvin was taking it all in during our exciting venture into New York City and subsequent ride on the el, when suddenly we were attacked by this giant ape! Fires raged, newscasters panicked, New York City crumbled around us. King Kong was on a rampage, but miraculously we survived! The ride was very well done.
Sitting at lunch, quietly munching on French fries, Calvin had a far off look in his eyes. You could almost see those wheels turning in his head. He looked at me and asked, “Was that real?” “What do you think?” I asked. My five-year-old son had enough reasoning power to know that gargantuan apes didn’t exist, but there was something there that eliminated the certainty. “I’m not sure, but I don’t think so”, he said. Before going to the park, I had explained to Calvin that we were going to a fun place all about movie making, so we talked about the mechanics of King Kong and the fact that he wasn’t real.
Several years later, when Corey was old enough for his first trip to Universal Studios, we rode Jaws. The attacking shark, hysterical boat captain, guns, fires and explosions were all too real for Corey. By the time we finished the ride there was very little we could do to convince Corey that the shark was a fake. He was screaming. We can only laugh about it today!
A recent family trip to Busch Gardens Williamsburg was so much fun; it reminded me and Corey of our theme park days in Florida. It was a beautiful sunny day. Kenny and Tammy were there too. We rode plenty of wild and crazy rides and ate French fries and ice cream. There were no giant apes or hungry sharks but there was plenty of Wonder® Bread for the mind, body and soul.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Labor Day Blues
When you only get six paid holidays a year, you cherish them dearly—especially the three-day weekends. I always try to make the most out of a holiday weekend. When I was young, my family always got together for a cookout or pool party. When my kids were young, without family around, I’d try to keep a celebratory feel to the weekend with yummy breakfasts of bacon, pancakes, eggs or French toast—a picnic somewhere or cookout and some kind of special dessert. Once my family relocated to North Carolina and were within driving distance, suddenly every three-day weekend became an opportunity for us to go visit them. Of course, great food is still involved.
Enter Labor Day weekend 2010. Weather-wise, it was a beautiful weekend—80 degrees, sunshine, low humidity—perfect, except no plans. Corey had been home from college several weekends in a row just prior to Labor Day weekend, plus we would be seeing him in Richmond the next weekend, so we didn’t expect him home. Kimberly and Angela, both away at college, weren’t coming home either. Of course, Calvin and Vicki are in Seattle. And Cathy and Andrew were out of town. Since I had just spent a week with my Dad, we didn’t make plans to travel back to North Carolina either.
So what’s a mom to do, when none of her chickies are around? This weekend was the first time that I really missed Calvin—enough to feel pretty gloomy. I began to think that I should have gone to visit my family. But Henry came to the rescue with a suggestion. The weather was so gorgeous, why not plan a hike up Sugarloaf Mountain? Sugarloaf Mountain, one of Frederick County’s highest elevations, has many hiking trails and beautiful vistas, plus it’s close to our house. So Sunday was spent chasing away the blues on the trails of Sugarloaf. What a great cure!
This past Christmas, I gave Calvin some Seattle-themed gifts, including a book on hiking some of the great mountain trails in the surrounding area. He and Vicki have explored a couple places already. Next summer, when we go for a visit, we’re hoping to trek up Mt. Ranier, (which is a lot taller than Sugarloaf!). Seen from a distance, it is beautiful and impressive, so I’m looking forward to the challenge.
In the meantime, Corey and I will be have to be content with a short trip to visit Calvin and Vicki over a long weekend in October, while he is on fall break. The weather in the fall and winter is not the greatest in Seattle so we’ll probably be doing indoor activities like—well, just visiting. Maybe I’ll even make French toast and bacon. Another great cure for the “I’m missing you” blues.
Enter Labor Day weekend 2010. Weather-wise, it was a beautiful weekend—80 degrees, sunshine, low humidity—perfect, except no plans. Corey had been home from college several weekends in a row just prior to Labor Day weekend, plus we would be seeing him in Richmond the next weekend, so we didn’t expect him home. Kimberly and Angela, both away at college, weren’t coming home either. Of course, Calvin and Vicki are in Seattle. And Cathy and Andrew were out of town. Since I had just spent a week with my Dad, we didn’t make plans to travel back to North Carolina either.
So what’s a mom to do, when none of her chickies are around? This weekend was the first time that I really missed Calvin—enough to feel pretty gloomy. I began to think that I should have gone to visit my family. But Henry came to the rescue with a suggestion. The weather was so gorgeous, why not plan a hike up Sugarloaf Mountain? Sugarloaf Mountain, one of Frederick County’s highest elevations, has many hiking trails and beautiful vistas, plus it’s close to our house. So Sunday was spent chasing away the blues on the trails of Sugarloaf. What a great cure!
This past Christmas, I gave Calvin some Seattle-themed gifts, including a book on hiking some of the great mountain trails in the surrounding area. He and Vicki have explored a couple places already. Next summer, when we go for a visit, we’re hoping to trek up Mt. Ranier, (which is a lot taller than Sugarloaf!). Seen from a distance, it is beautiful and impressive, so I’m looking forward to the challenge.
In the meantime, Corey and I will be have to be content with a short trip to visit Calvin and Vicki over a long weekend in October, while he is on fall break. The weather in the fall and winter is not the greatest in Seattle so we’ll probably be doing indoor activities like—well, just visiting. Maybe I’ll even make French toast and bacon. Another great cure for the “I’m missing you” blues.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Cabin
After my mother passed away, my brother and I wondered what might become of our father. We were all shocked by her sudden death that came only 23 days after being diagnosed with cancer. She was the heart of our family, married 50 years to our father and every bit his rock. We weren’t sure if he’d survive the heartbreak, but survive he did.
In the ten years since her death, he’s seen a lot of changes in our family and has had to acknowledge a few changes in himself. He’s been able to watch his grandsons grow up, graduate from high school and proceed through college. He was able to celebrate Calvin’s college graduation. He’s been able to see the beautiful heirloom diamond that was once owned by his father reset as Vicki’s engagement ring. We expect him to take a seat of honor at the wedding next June.
He’s been able to see Henry become an important part of my life and has welcomed him as part of the family.
He said goodbye to his beloved home in Florida in order to move with my brother and his wife to North Carolina, mostly for reasons associated with aging. In the past four years his mobility has declined but his mind has stayed sharp. His favorite phrase right now is “Growing old is not for sissies.” He turned 80 earlier this year.
He can be pleasant, kind, joyful and loving. He can be grumpy, ornery and stubborn. My brother and I have a favorite phrase, “Being the child of an aging parent is not for sissies.”
Earlier this month, I spent a week with my Dad while my brother and sister-in-law went on vacation. I took leave from work, packed a week’s worth of things to do to keep me busy and settled in. Dad is pretty low-maintenance. He likes to watch TV, read the paper, play Rummikub, eat and nap. Which fit well with my agenda, because I planned to watch movies, read, play Rummikub, cook and paint. The week reminded me of the slow, easy-going respites I enjoyed so much in the Florida home. Just no kids and no pool! But the feeling was the same: warm, comforting, cloistered, safe. I used to call Florida my sanctuary, but it wasn’t Florida, the feeling came from being near my mother and father.
I started a painting while staying at Dad’s, a watercolor of a cabin in the woods in an autumn setting. I was working from a photo, but it wasn’t any cabin in particular, I just liked the colors. As I progressed from day to day, I noticed Dad looking at the painting a lot and once he offered a compliment. I could tell he liked it. At the end of the week I asked him he would like to have it. I didn’t have to wait for the answer. I had it matted and framed at a local frame shop. I was happy I could leave behind a memento of our week together.
So what does this chapter have to do with a child leaving home? Maybe nothing, maybe everything. We leave home and then one day we realize that we’ve become home. When my children come back to the nest, I hope it will always be a place that is warm, comforting, cloistered, safe. Like a cabin in the woods.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Putting Down Roots
Before the moving-in dust had time to settle, my future daughter-in-law Vicki found a job—a contract position in the human resources department at Microsoft. It was very important to her to get a job in order to contribute to the household and pay her expenses, but also because it’s what you’re supposed to do after graduation. The contract will take her through May and we’re hoping it will be the window to a permanent position.
Leaving home and family and moving almost 3,000 miles across the country is not an easy feat. Harder still, is the knowledge that the home you left behind may no longer be there when you come back. As Vicki prepared for her move to Seattle, her brother was bound for his freshman year at college and her parents were diligently working to put their family home on the market. A move to southern Virginia is planned.
Saying goodbye to the house you grew up in can almost seem overwhelming, but I've discovered that everything important about a house lives inside you. The house is just a shell. And if you are close in heart to your parents, it doesn’t matter where they live, because they are “home” and always will be.
My parents bought the house I considered my childhood home when I was almost seven. I lived there for over 16 years, about half the time they actually owned the house. When I moved out, I stayed in the area, which meant there were frequent visits over the next 16 years as I got married and had kids. How interesting though, that I only spent one night there during all that time and that was during our move from my first house in Crofton to my current house in Frederick.
When my parents decided to sell and move to Florida, it was a bittersweet moment. After 33 years in the same house, it was hard to imagine anyone but mom and dad living there. But they were retired; my brother had been living in Florida for some time and the plans to move had been in the works for a while. Besides, a house with a pool in warm, sunny Orlando, Florida sounded like a dream. I think the hardest thing to think about was the fact that my boys, the only two grandchildren, were going to be so far away from their grandparents.
I was still married when my parents moved, but things weren’t good and the marriage ended abruptly a year later. It was devastating to be suddenly alone with two small children, no job (I had been a stay-at-home mom for nine years), no financial resources, no family close by and no clear picture of the immediate future. I’ve thought about my mom and dad receiving this news so far away and how difficult it must have been for them to accept this new reality. I never let on to my parents completely about the state of my marriage; they had some idea but they always trusted my judgment. If my parents had known the true state of my marriage, I’m not sure that they would have felt comfortable moving. I recently asked my dad if they would have moved had the marriage ended prior to their selling the house. He said probably no. How sad it would have been to not have our Florida memories!
Sometimes the sequence of life’s events leaves us wondering Why me? Why now? It can be amazing how things often work out for the best. The Florida years were some of the most wonderful in my life and I know my kids feel the same. Some of our best memories and one of our saddest were made during trips to our home away from home. And that is exactly what Florida became. It became “home”. When the time came for my dad to move, saying goodbye to that house was actually harder than saying goodbye to my childhood home. For one reason, it was only my dad who was moving, as my mother had passed away six years prior. Once again though, every memory we took away, we treasure. All that we left behind was a shell. Home really is where the heart is.
Leaving home and family and moving almost 3,000 miles across the country is not an easy feat. Harder still, is the knowledge that the home you left behind may no longer be there when you come back. As Vicki prepared for her move to Seattle, her brother was bound for his freshman year at college and her parents were diligently working to put their family home on the market. A move to southern Virginia is planned.
Saying goodbye to the house you grew up in can almost seem overwhelming, but I've discovered that everything important about a house lives inside you. The house is just a shell. And if you are close in heart to your parents, it doesn’t matter where they live, because they are “home” and always will be.
My parents bought the house I considered my childhood home when I was almost seven. I lived there for over 16 years, about half the time they actually owned the house. When I moved out, I stayed in the area, which meant there were frequent visits over the next 16 years as I got married and had kids. How interesting though, that I only spent one night there during all that time and that was during our move from my first house in Crofton to my current house in Frederick.
When my parents decided to sell and move to Florida, it was a bittersweet moment. After 33 years in the same house, it was hard to imagine anyone but mom and dad living there. But they were retired; my brother had been living in Florida for some time and the plans to move had been in the works for a while. Besides, a house with a pool in warm, sunny Orlando, Florida sounded like a dream. I think the hardest thing to think about was the fact that my boys, the only two grandchildren, were going to be so far away from their grandparents.
I was still married when my parents moved, but things weren’t good and the marriage ended abruptly a year later. It was devastating to be suddenly alone with two small children, no job (I had been a stay-at-home mom for nine years), no financial resources, no family close by and no clear picture of the immediate future. I’ve thought about my mom and dad receiving this news so far away and how difficult it must have been for them to accept this new reality. I never let on to my parents completely about the state of my marriage; they had some idea but they always trusted my judgment. If my parents had known the true state of my marriage, I’m not sure that they would have felt comfortable moving. I recently asked my dad if they would have moved had the marriage ended prior to their selling the house. He said probably no. How sad it would have been to not have our Florida memories!
Sometimes the sequence of life’s events leaves us wondering Why me? Why now? It can be amazing how things often work out for the best. The Florida years were some of the most wonderful in my life and I know my kids feel the same. Some of our best memories and one of our saddest were made during trips to our home away from home. And that is exactly what Florida became. It became “home”. When the time came for my dad to move, saying goodbye to that house was actually harder than saying goodbye to my childhood home. For one reason, it was only my dad who was moving, as my mother had passed away six years prior. Once again though, every memory we took away, we treasure. All that we left behind was a shell. Home really is where the heart is.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Work is a Four Letter Word
For those of us whose college years are far behind them, we still can remember the all-nighters of cramming for exams, writing term papers, or the 11th hour scrapping of a going-nowhere project with an 8 a.m. deadline just to start over on a new idea that might actually work. We dreamed of the day when there would be no more homework, papers, reading assignments or projects, just the freedom of working and earning a living! Of course, the rigors of college were tempered by the social attributes and fall break and semester break and spring break and summer break. Oh, to have it all again. We’d enjoy it SO much more the second time around because we are SO much wiser now.
Working for a living is not for sissies. Of course it helps immensely if you like what you do, but even a job that’s loved can get boring and routine. And sometimes there are STILL homework and reading assignments and reports to write. Just no more sleeping in and showing up late for that 10 a.m. meeting. The parties have all but gone, but there are still tests: of patience, of stamina, of sanity, when dealing with work overload, incompetence and office jerks. And you still get graded once a year! Ahhhh, but then the paycheck arrives every second Friday.
Calvin was destined to be a programmer. He was born to think in numbers. I realized this when he was in first grade. He came to me one day and said he had just written down every number from one to one thousand. He had several sheets of notebook paper in his hand. Of course any Mom would say, “That’s great!” Then he added, “In Roman numerals” and handed me the papers. I had to sit down and take a look. I still have those papers.
He was intrigued at an early age by all types of games, computers and stories. And it wasn’t just playing video games; it was how does it all work? So twenty plus years later, it is no surprise to find him at Microsoft, thinking in numbers and doing what he loves. The new job is going well, but reality has tiptoed in, in the form of 7 am meetings, waiting for vacation to accrue, they took how much?!? in taxes, saying “where did the week go?” and spending the weekends doing “housework and grocery shopping”. Welcome to the real world.
Working for a living is not for sissies. Of course it helps immensely if you like what you do, but even a job that’s loved can get boring and routine. And sometimes there are STILL homework and reading assignments and reports to write. Just no more sleeping in and showing up late for that 10 a.m. meeting. The parties have all but gone, but there are still tests: of patience, of stamina, of sanity, when dealing with work overload, incompetence and office jerks. And you still get graded once a year! Ahhhh, but then the paycheck arrives every second Friday.
Calvin was destined to be a programmer. He was born to think in numbers. I realized this when he was in first grade. He came to me one day and said he had just written down every number from one to one thousand. He had several sheets of notebook paper in his hand. Of course any Mom would say, “That’s great!” Then he added, “In Roman numerals” and handed me the papers. I had to sit down and take a look. I still have those papers.
He was intrigued at an early age by all types of games, computers and stories. And it wasn’t just playing video games; it was how does it all work? So twenty plus years later, it is no surprise to find him at Microsoft, thinking in numbers and doing what he loves. The new job is going well, but reality has tiptoed in, in the form of 7 am meetings, waiting for vacation to accrue, they took how much?!? in taxes, saying “where did the week go?” and spending the weekends doing “housework and grocery shopping”. Welcome to the real world.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sammamish View Apartments
Washington State has some very fun-to-say place names like Snoqualmie, Issaquah and Sammamish. Much like Maryland, many of the place names in and around Seattle are Native American in origin, it’s just more challenging to try and pronounce them.
Part of moving, of course, is finding a place to live. Microsoft’s relocation package included 30-days of temporary housing and a 10-day car rental upon arrival so Calvin and Vicki began their apartment search in advance of moving. They had the car covered since Vicki’s Honda was being shipped from Maryland. They decided that they would try living with just one car as Calvin planned to use public transportation to get to work.
About a week before departure, I came home from work and Calvin said he had news. He and Vicki had rented an apartment. It was one he had showed me about a week prior, a garden apartment community with a view of Lake Sammamish, two bedrooms, two baths and less than a mile to work—he could walk. Now this was one of those classic Mom moments, when I SHOULD have said, “That’s great news! I’m so happy you got the apartment you wanted.” BUT instead I said, “You did what? Rented an apartment without seeing it first? What if it’s not nice? What if all the furniture doesn’t fit? Did you get the dimensions of the rooms? I would never rent an apartment without seeing it first!”
The look on his face was wounded puppy. He said, “Gee mom, I was proactive and made an adult decision on my own. And it’s not like Vicki and I didn’t do our research. It’s the largest apartment we could find within our budget and there was only one two bedroom unit available for August, which is what we need. I thought you’d be happy for me.”
I WAS happy for him. I’ve actually never rented an apartment in my life so how would I know whether or not I’d rent one without seeing it first, given the same circumstances. It’s just that the “Mom knows best” urge erupted before I could think about it. Well, sometimes the Mom just has to remember to butt out. And apologize.
After all, the apartment is nice and all of the furniture fits. Thanks to laptop cameras and the power of the Internet, I’ve had the grand tour. It has a great kitchen, an amazing balcony and there really is a view of Lake Sammamish. Plus, I get to say Sammamish.
Part of moving, of course, is finding a place to live. Microsoft’s relocation package included 30-days of temporary housing and a 10-day car rental upon arrival so Calvin and Vicki began their apartment search in advance of moving. They had the car covered since Vicki’s Honda was being shipped from Maryland. They decided that they would try living with just one car as Calvin planned to use public transportation to get to work.
About a week before departure, I came home from work and Calvin said he had news. He and Vicki had rented an apartment. It was one he had showed me about a week prior, a garden apartment community with a view of Lake Sammamish, two bedrooms, two baths and less than a mile to work—he could walk. Now this was one of those classic Mom moments, when I SHOULD have said, “That’s great news! I’m so happy you got the apartment you wanted.” BUT instead I said, “You did what? Rented an apartment without seeing it first? What if it’s not nice? What if all the furniture doesn’t fit? Did you get the dimensions of the rooms? I would never rent an apartment without seeing it first!”
The look on his face was wounded puppy. He said, “Gee mom, I was proactive and made an adult decision on my own. And it’s not like Vicki and I didn’t do our research. It’s the largest apartment we could find within our budget and there was only one two bedroom unit available for August, which is what we need. I thought you’d be happy for me.”
I WAS happy for him. I’ve actually never rented an apartment in my life so how would I know whether or not I’d rent one without seeing it first, given the same circumstances. It’s just that the “Mom knows best” urge erupted before I could think about it. Well, sometimes the Mom just has to remember to butt out. And apologize.
After all, the apartment is nice and all of the furniture fits. Thanks to laptop cameras and the power of the Internet, I’ve had the grand tour. It has a great kitchen, an amazing balcony and there really is a view of Lake Sammamish. Plus, I get to say Sammamish.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Airport Day -- Go West, Young Man
Often miss-attributed to either Horace Greeley, founder of the New York Tribune, or John B. L. Soule, an Indiana newspaper writer, this phrase kept echoing through my head as we drove to the airport. My anticipation of this day was not without some anxiety. How emotional would it be? The last thing I wanted was to have a total tear bath at the airport. I knew my emotions would be a mix of joy and sadness, but I was really feeling positive and happy. I was fine. Until we got to the airport and I saw Vicki and her family. Then I started to get a little teary-eyed.
I remember my boys’ first airplane ride alone in 2005. It was during the Florida years when trips to Orlando were routine. Now, they really were not that young—13 and just shy of 16, but I was still a nervous Mom, who had to see them all the way to the gate (with special permission) and repeatedly issue instructions to “call me the minute you land”. It was only a two-hour, non-stop flight and my Dad would be waiting for them, but it was a long two hours before the phone rang.
When Calvin flew to Seattle for his first internship, I was still quite the mother hen. Call me when you board the plane. Call me when you land in Detroit. Call me when you land in Seattle. Call me when you get to your apartment. And he did—all four times. The next spring when he went back for an interview for the second summer internship, I was more relaxed—call me when you get there. And the flight out for the second internship was much the same. Just call me when you get there.
But this trip to Seattle was on a one-way ticket. After some brief conversation between the families, the kids checked in and we headed for security. There was plenty of time so there was more chatting and then we had to give final hugs and goodbye kisses and that was hard. The kids wound their way through security while we jockeyed for the best vantage points to watch their bobbing heads take the twists and turns along the corral. Periodically we’d catch sight of each other, and then frenzied waving would ensue. They took their turn at the checkpoint, then gathered laptops back into bags, slipped shoes back onto feet, turned to wave at us moms who were by now standing on tiptoe, still waving, trying to catch every last glimpse before they disappeared around the bend.
Latest research indicates the quote “Go west, young man.” is most likely a paraphrase. The following quote was cited in a recent biography of Greeley: "If any young man is about to commence the world, we say to him, publicly and privately, Go to the West" (from the Aug. 25, 1838, issue of the newspaper New Yorker).
And so they headed west.
I remember my boys’ first airplane ride alone in 2005. It was during the Florida years when trips to Orlando were routine. Now, they really were not that young—13 and just shy of 16, but I was still a nervous Mom, who had to see them all the way to the gate (with special permission) and repeatedly issue instructions to “call me the minute you land”. It was only a two-hour, non-stop flight and my Dad would be waiting for them, but it was a long two hours before the phone rang.
When Calvin flew to Seattle for his first internship, I was still quite the mother hen. Call me when you board the plane. Call me when you land in Detroit. Call me when you land in Seattle. Call me when you get to your apartment. And he did—all four times. The next spring when he went back for an interview for the second summer internship, I was more relaxed—call me when you get there. And the flight out for the second internship was much the same. Just call me when you get there.
But this trip to Seattle was on a one-way ticket. After some brief conversation between the families, the kids checked in and we headed for security. There was plenty of time so there was more chatting and then we had to give final hugs and goodbye kisses and that was hard. The kids wound their way through security while we jockeyed for the best vantage points to watch their bobbing heads take the twists and turns along the corral. Periodically we’d catch sight of each other, and then frenzied waving would ensue. They took their turn at the checkpoint, then gathered laptops back into bags, slipped shoes back onto feet, turned to wave at us moms who were by now standing on tiptoe, still waving, trying to catch every last glimpse before they disappeared around the bend.
Latest research indicates the quote “Go west, young man.” is most likely a paraphrase. The following quote was cited in a recent biography of Greeley: "If any young man is about to commence the world, we say to him, publicly and privately, Go to the West" (from the Aug. 25, 1838, issue of the newspaper New Yorker).
And so they headed west.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Last Weekend Home
During the years my parents lived in Florida, the kids and I would visit as often as we could. These visits were always preceded with my mom asking me what I would like to eat while I was there. I usually had no trouble rattling off all of my favorite dishes. She loved to cook for me and I loved her cooking. It was a perfect relationship.
Now I find myself doing the same. A visit home from college always brought about the question, “What would you like to eat?” College has a way of instilling a real appreciation for home cooking in most kids, mine included, so they always had some quick answers to that question.
Calvin and Vicki decided to spend their last weekend home with their families. Calvin’s last weekend home before the big Seattle send-off had to be special—especially food-wise. I think we created some new memories. Friday night’s request was fried catfish—a dish I hadn’t fixed in awhile so it was perfect with French fries and homemade coleslaw. I think my son Corey ate at least two pounds of fish. Saturday dinner was Mom’s choice, so I did slow cooked BBQ ribs with homemade mac & cheese and seasoned green beans. For dessert, Calvin picked peanut butter pie.
After dinner we played a board game, something new to us called “What’s Yours Like?” Henry won it from a radio station. It’s a guessing game based on clues given by the players and while totally innocent, the sexual innuendo can’t be helped so it kept us laughing.
We started Sunday morning with a platter of Monkey Bread and finished the day with Calvin’s final request, beef tenderloin steaks on the grill. Of course these had to be accompanied by Cathy-style potatoes (there's a story behind the name) and a fresh green salad. A lemon tart with shortbread crust and fresh raspberries ended our culinary venture.
Cathy and Andrew joined us for Sunday’s dinner, so it was quite a fun evening and even though we had an early airport call the next morning, we stayed up late playing “Pictionary”, one of our family’s all time favorites, simply because it makes us laugh so hard. We even save our favorite “classic” drawings, where a couple line strokes result in a split second correctly shouted answer, like “The Alamo”, while everyone else at the table is frantically looking at drawings and saying things like, “salamander” and “Ben Franklin”.
This weekend was a great throwback to the days when the kids were younger and we played a lot of games—just simple, relaxed fun, with a lot of laughter. What a great send-off! Seattle, here they come!
Now I find myself doing the same. A visit home from college always brought about the question, “What would you like to eat?” College has a way of instilling a real appreciation for home cooking in most kids, mine included, so they always had some quick answers to that question.
Calvin and Vicki decided to spend their last weekend home with their families. Calvin’s last weekend home before the big Seattle send-off had to be special—especially food-wise. I think we created some new memories. Friday night’s request was fried catfish—a dish I hadn’t fixed in awhile so it was perfect with French fries and homemade coleslaw. I think my son Corey ate at least two pounds of fish. Saturday dinner was Mom’s choice, so I did slow cooked BBQ ribs with homemade mac & cheese and seasoned green beans. For dessert, Calvin picked peanut butter pie.
After dinner we played a board game, something new to us called “What’s Yours Like?” Henry won it from a radio station. It’s a guessing game based on clues given by the players and while totally innocent, the sexual innuendo can’t be helped so it kept us laughing.
We started Sunday morning with a platter of Monkey Bread and finished the day with Calvin’s final request, beef tenderloin steaks on the grill. Of course these had to be accompanied by Cathy-style potatoes (there's a story behind the name) and a fresh green salad. A lemon tart with shortbread crust and fresh raspberries ended our culinary venture.
Cathy and Andrew joined us for Sunday’s dinner, so it was quite a fun evening and even though we had an early airport call the next morning, we stayed up late playing “Pictionary”, one of our family’s all time favorites, simply because it makes us laugh so hard. We even save our favorite “classic” drawings, where a couple line strokes result in a split second correctly shouted answer, like “The Alamo”, while everyone else at the table is frantically looking at drawings and saying things like, “salamander” and “Ben Franklin”.
This weekend was a great throwback to the days when the kids were younger and we played a lot of games—just simple, relaxed fun, with a lot of laughter. What a great send-off! Seattle, here they come!
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Daughter Collection
I have a daughter collection. I have two sons by birth, but through my previous marriage and a current serious relationship, I have acquired four stepdaughters. Soon I will add a daughter-in-law.
When I got married, two little girls, ages 7 and 6 came into my life and I loved them as if they were my own. Now, twenty-seven years later, I am still very close to the oldest, but after the youngest graduated from college in North Carolina, she found a job, married a local guy and decided to make it home. I seldom see her but hear news through her sister and I still send cards on her birthday and Christmas.
After marrying and enjoying my new family for a few years, we added Calvin and Corey to the mix. Even though the girls were somewhat older than the boys, I always encouraged the four kids to stay close, for besides their biological parents, they were each others closest blood relatives. This message became even more important after the girls became estranged from their father, whom I eventually divorced. I’ve often told my oldest step-daughter that family is not necessarily what you’re born into, it’s who you find along the way.
In 2002 Henry came into my life. He has two daughters, the same ages as my two sons. By this time though, our kids were teenagers and as teenagers are inclined, they were too entrenched in their own worlds to be particularly interested in each other. Besides, Henry’s daughters lived with their mother in Virginia and he visited them at their family home or at his home, also in Virginia, so there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to really get to know them before they went off to college. College brings a lot of changes and even though I still don’t see them often, I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other a little better through the college years.
Thursday was my future daughter-in-law’s birthday. Sadly, her parents missed her last birthday in Maryland before the big move and I know that was hard for all of them. (They were at her brother’s college orientation.) We took her out to dinner and I celebrated her with a toast to daughters. My daughters all have a story to tell. For some, I may be a big part of the story and for others perhaps a minor role. Family is not necessarily what you’re born into, it’s who you find along the way. I found five daughters.
When I got married, two little girls, ages 7 and 6 came into my life and I loved them as if they were my own. Now, twenty-seven years later, I am still very close to the oldest, but after the youngest graduated from college in North Carolina, she found a job, married a local guy and decided to make it home. I seldom see her but hear news through her sister and I still send cards on her birthday and Christmas.
After marrying and enjoying my new family for a few years, we added Calvin and Corey to the mix. Even though the girls were somewhat older than the boys, I always encouraged the four kids to stay close, for besides their biological parents, they were each others closest blood relatives. This message became even more important after the girls became estranged from their father, whom I eventually divorced. I’ve often told my oldest step-daughter that family is not necessarily what you’re born into, it’s who you find along the way.
In 2002 Henry came into my life. He has two daughters, the same ages as my two sons. By this time though, our kids were teenagers and as teenagers are inclined, they were too entrenched in their own worlds to be particularly interested in each other. Besides, Henry’s daughters lived with their mother in Virginia and he visited them at their family home or at his home, also in Virginia, so there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to really get to know them before they went off to college. College brings a lot of changes and even though I still don’t see them often, I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other a little better through the college years.
Thursday was my future daughter-in-law’s birthday. Sadly, her parents missed her last birthday in Maryland before the big move and I know that was hard for all of them. (They were at her brother’s college orientation.) We took her out to dinner and I celebrated her with a toast to daughters. My daughters all have a story to tell. For some, I may be a big part of the story and for others perhaps a minor role. Family is not necessarily what you’re born into, it’s who you find along the way. I found five daughters.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Moving Day
Long distance moves may be familiar to many, but not to this family. I’ve moved twice, never leaving Maryland. The first time was when I left home and moved into a house I bought with my brother (which I later bought from him); second time was after marriage and the birth of my two sons, when we decided we needed a bigger house, which is where I live today.
Calvin’s new job came with a relocation package, so there was probably a bit less stress than typical with this long distance move, simply because everything was handled by Microsoft. Both Calvin and Vicki’s furniture and Vicki’s car were all included in the move. Everything was packed for them as well. We just had to have Vicki’s car and furniture at our house before packing day, which also happened to be car pick-up day. A separate special crew came to pack Calvin’s big screen TV. Nothing was left to chance. Even boxes the kids had packed were repacked by the movers.
The moving van arrived the next day right on time. Now earlier in the week, Calvin had mentioned to me how exciting it would be to see that big truck pull up in front of the house. I had been weathering the emotional storm quite well until suddenly that moment. The tears came and I simply said, “No, it won’t”. But I really don’t believe that. This is what is supposed to happen. They are supposed to take flight.
It actually was exciting to see that big truck pull up in front of the house, however there was a momentary blur of tears—call it a coping mechanism. The driver and his helper, who turned out to be his nephew, were from Wisconsin and Calvin and Vicki were his first load. The process went smoothly with the driver expecting to head west Sunday after picking up a couple more loads. It was one thing to watch the moving van pull up to the house, but I didn’t want to be there to watch it pull away. I had taken a half day from work and it was time to get to the office. After saying “Thank you” and “Safe travels” to driver Dave, I left for work—call it a coping mechanism.
Calvin’s new job came with a relocation package, so there was probably a bit less stress than typical with this long distance move, simply because everything was handled by Microsoft. Both Calvin and Vicki’s furniture and Vicki’s car were all included in the move. Everything was packed for them as well. We just had to have Vicki’s car and furniture at our house before packing day, which also happened to be car pick-up day. A separate special crew came to pack Calvin’s big screen TV. Nothing was left to chance. Even boxes the kids had packed were repacked by the movers.
The moving van arrived the next day right on time. Now earlier in the week, Calvin had mentioned to me how exciting it would be to see that big truck pull up in front of the house. I had been weathering the emotional storm quite well until suddenly that moment. The tears came and I simply said, “No, it won’t”. But I really don’t believe that. This is what is supposed to happen. They are supposed to take flight.
It actually was exciting to see that big truck pull up in front of the house, however there was a momentary blur of tears—call it a coping mechanism. The driver and his helper, who turned out to be his nephew, were from Wisconsin and Calvin and Vicki were his first load. The process went smoothly with the driver expecting to head west Sunday after picking up a couple more loads. It was one thing to watch the moving van pull up to the house, but I didn’t want to be there to watch it pull away. I had taken a half day from work and it was time to get to the office. After saying “Thank you” and “Safe travels” to driver Dave, I left for work—call it a coping mechanism.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Cookware
It’s not as fun as a trip to Europe. It’s not as cool as a new car. But it is practical and affordable and as The Mom, a single parent of two boys, I am all about sound, sensible investments. (Maybe too much sometimes.) But cookware seemed like the perfect graduation gift for my son and his fiancée as they prepare to move across the country and set up their apartment. I am a Mom who loves to cook and I have always enjoyed cooking for my family, who, by the way, is a family who loves to eat. I learned from the best—my own mother.
Our family, like many, has favorite recipes: old standards like meat loaf and beef stew; recipes that have been handed down like chili, meatball stroganoff and sour cream pound cake; kid-friendly staples like beans and franks and macaroni and cheese; and new acquisitions from our blended family like pecan pie and pineapple soufflé. These dishes and many more are some of my kids’ favorites. Calvin took a few of these recipes to college with him, but he approached me recently and said he wants to take the whole collection to Seattle!
I guess one blog leads to another. I decided I might as well start a recipe blog so that my kids could have access to them, plus add their own. They seemed enthused about the idea, so coming soon: Family Recipe Blog. (I hope to have a much more creative title when I launch!)
The cookware? I am still using my original set of Revere Ware, which is now over 30 years old. Unfortunately, the quality of today’s Revere Ware doesn’t measure up, so after quite a bit of research, I ordered a 10-piece set of Calphalon Contemporary Stainless Steel.
PS July 22 -- Of course, the cookware arrived one day after the moving van left. So it will now be the first package Calvin and Vicki receive at their new apartment in Seattle.
Our family, like many, has favorite recipes: old standards like meat loaf and beef stew; recipes that have been handed down like chili, meatball stroganoff and sour cream pound cake; kid-friendly staples like beans and franks and macaroni and cheese; and new acquisitions from our blended family like pecan pie and pineapple soufflé. These dishes and many more are some of my kids’ favorites. Calvin took a few of these recipes to college with him, but he approached me recently and said he wants to take the whole collection to Seattle!
I guess one blog leads to another. I decided I might as well start a recipe blog so that my kids could have access to them, plus add their own. They seemed enthused about the idea, so coming soon: Family Recipe Blog. (I hope to have a much more creative title when I launch!)
The cookware? I am still using my original set of Revere Ware, which is now over 30 years old. Unfortunately, the quality of today’s Revere Ware doesn’t measure up, so after quite a bit of research, I ordered a 10-piece set of Calphalon Contemporary Stainless Steel.
PS July 22 -- Of course, the cookware arrived one day after the moving van left. So it will now be the first package Calvin and Vicki receive at their new apartment in Seattle.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Beach Habit
Like many families in the mid-Atlantic we like to vacation at the Outer Banks, NC. At one time, my family’s beach of choice was Ocean City, MD, but that was during my growing up, college and early adulthood years: the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. In 1990, when Calvin was two and I was pregnant with my youngest son Corey, we went to the Outer Banks for the first time and fell in love with the beautiful beaches and quiet family atmosphere. We made the Outer Banks a habit over the next six years.
After my parents retired, they sold my childhood home in Maryland and moved to Orlando, Florida in 1995. A new job had taken my brother and his wife to central Florida in 1989 so my parents, my boys and I had already enjoyed a number of family trips to the land of sunshine, palm trees, and theme parks. For the next eleven years after my parents' move, Florida became our second home. The kids and I spent as much time as my vacation schedule would allow, visiting my parents during Christmas and the summer break from school.
Things came full circle in 2006, when my brother was transferred to NC. With him came our elderly father, as our mother had passed away in 2000. Summer of 2006 took us back to the beaches of the Outer Banks and once again, we’ve made it a habit for these past five years.
Many of my fondest memories from childhood and beyond are from vacations with my family. Before taking off for Seattle, Calvin made one last trip to see his grandfather. During that visit, he asked him what his favorite memory was. My dad replied that it was a beach trip we took to Ocean City when I was about 14 and my brother 16. We invited our two cousins and two friends. My parents were brave enough to take six teenagers to the beach for a week and apparently we made it a very memorable event!
My kids have often told me that some of their best memories are from our family vacations. As kids get ready to embrace adulthood, I think some of the most important things to take with them are things that won’t fit into a suitcase or box. Good memories are one of those things.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
It Begins at Birth
Today is June 26, 2010. It’s an important day because we are on our way to the Outer Banks in North Carolina for our annual family vacation. One month from today, July 26, my son Calvin leaves home for Seattle, Washington to begin his career as a software development engineer with Microsoft. One year from today, June 26, 2011, he is getting married to Vicki, a delightful young woman who already feels like part of the family. For the next year, this blog will be as series of anecdotes, musings and reflections on how this single mom has prepared to let go.
It begins at birth. We don't think about it, but we are not the first to hold them. After we get our turn, we hand them over to others, then they are passed back to us and this series of exchanges continues until we eventually see them off into the world. My oldest son was born on a Tuesday a little over 22 years ago. I didn't realize it then, but every moment since 4:45 pm on March 29, 1988 has been spent in some form of preparation for the day he takes flight.
Calvin missed the past two years’ family beach vacations because he was working as a summer intern at Microsoft in Seattle, Washington. The internship ended last summer with a job offer upon graduation in May 2010. We wanted to be sure that he was able to participate in our family vacation this summer before heading off to Seattle, so we scheduled our beach trip a little earlier than usual. If today’s heat and sunshine is any indication, we’re in for some great summer beach weather this week.
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